to my ex-situationship

if i could turn back time here's what i would say

Dear ex-situationship,

The time we spent together was anything but…

Okay, psych! I actually do not care about any of the men I’ve dated. Or at least, not enough to dedicate an entire Substack essay to them. I just wanted to test whether this would spark some clickbait-y drama.

What I have been thinking about lately are the things that actually bring me joy: the books I’m reading, my cringey girlish hobbies, and all the things I love about not having a needy, annoying man on my ass. So, here they are:

The Books I’m Reading Right Now:

• The Midnight Library by Matt Haig

• Things We Left Behind by Lucy Score

• Want by Gillian Anderson ( I don’t know if I am cut out to finish this)

• Hello Beautiful by Ann Napolitano

Books I’ve Finished This Month

• On Women by Susan Sontag

• Things We Never Got Over by Lucy Score

• Things We Hide From The Light by Lucy Score

• Someone Who Will Love You In All Your Damaged Glory by Raphael Bob-Waksberg

Hobbies I’ve Tried In The Last Month”

• Adult Gymnastics

• Long Form Figure Drawing Class

• Pilates by Stef

  • I wasn’t going to include a description but Stef is hands down one of the best pilates teachers I’ve ever been to and yes I do consider working out a hobby.

• Banana Bread Baking

• Starting My Substack

• Jewelry Designing

Can you tell I have a lot of free time?

Anyway, I think my substack can feel a little too serious and a little too dramatic. I am a moody angsty person of the internet, but I also am just a girl. I have girly hobbies and a life not centered around boys.

I would love to talk more about dating and navigating it in NYC more in the future, but I just wanted to sit in my independence this week.

I’ve been in therapy for about 4 years now and this week my therapist congratulated me on finally feeling secure alone. In our session, I didn’t really have anything to complain about. My life overall feels very fine. I am not moving full speed ahead, but I’m also not stagnating.

I am also excited by the hobbies I am working on right now. For the first time in my adult life I am not super focused on achievement. In my early 20’s, I powered through college and early adulthood with ambitions of fashionista success, but I am currently sitting in this moment enjoying my break from burn out and expectation.

New York is hustle culture. For so long, I played right into it. But I’m realizing that as a creative, your life can’t always be defined by productivity or monetary success.

I’m a designer. I’m a merchandiser. I know the difference between creating for joy and designing for sales. Yes, we have best-sellers for a reason. But letting myself have non-work passions has made me feel whole again.

So here’s your reminder:
Have fun.
Do the things you love.
Start a hobby.

It really does help.